23 August, 2005

Pre-IT for Dummies (Part 2)

Continuing my IT-Dummies advisory plan that I’ve started before

This post will get into IT jargon, since the University seats results are coming by the end of the week,those that will have the IT future known by then will be interested in this post.

Each & every IT student must know those definitions in order to deal with them on his upcoming life..at least not to be surprised by their real definition in the “REAL WORD” ,,, totally away from computer freak-ness claimed at school times ((hehe,,dont u love it when parents make their self proud saying : “Wallah , mashalla 3alei ibni,, besammem mawage3 3al internet” of course using MS word templates & Art Objects ;P .... ma 3alena! ))

Here’s the must have IT dictionary for Dummies :)

The control code for all beginning programmers and those who would become computer literate. Etymologically, the term has come down as a contraction of the often-repeated phrase "ascii and you shall receive."
-- Robb Russon

Bug, n.:
An aspect of a computer program which exists because the programmer was thinking about Jumbo Jacks or stock options when s/he wrote the program.

buzzword, n:
The fly in the ointment of computer literacy.

A very expensive part of the memory system of a computer that no one is supposed to know is there.

Command, n.:
Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.

Compuberty, n:
The uncomfortable period of emotional and hormonal changes a computer experiences when the operating system is upgraded and a sun4 is put online sharing files.

Guru, n:
A computer owner who can read the manual.

Hardware, n.:
The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.

[International Business Machines Corp.] Also known as Itty Bitty Machines or The Lawyer's Friend. The dominant force in computer marketing, having supplied worldwide some 75% of all known hardware and 10% of all software. To protect itself from the litigious envy of less successful organizations, such as the US government, IBM employs 68% of all known ex-Attorneys' General.

Information Center, n.:
A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.

A computer that can be afforded on the budget of a middle-level manager.

Office Automation:
The use of computers to improve efficiency in the office by removing anyone you would want to talk with over coffee.

On-line, adj.:
The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.

A statement of the speed at which a computer system works. Or rather, might work under certain circumstances. Or was rumored to be working over in Jersey about a month ago.

pixel, n.:
A mischievous, magical spirit associated with screen displays. The computer industry has frequently borrowed from mythology: Witness the sprites in computer graphics, the demons in artificial intelligence, and the trolls in the marketing department.

program, n.:
A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to turn one's input into error messages. tr.v. To engage in a pastime similar to banging one's head against a wall, but with fewer opportunities for reward.

prototype, n.:
First stage in the life cycle of a computer product, followed by pre-alpha, alpha, beta, release version, corrected release version, upgrade, corrected upgrade, etc. Unlike its successors, the prototype is not expected to work.

Software, n.:
Formal evening attire for female computer analysts.

Timesharing, n:
An access method whereby one computer abuses many people.

Turnaucka's Law:
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.

user, n.:
The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot."

computer professional, n.:
The phrase hackers use when they mean "idiot."

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